Labor says it’s learned from election loss, changes nothing

The “we’re ready” portrait of King Bill Shorten and his court had been snapped.

Penny Wong had her DFAT ministerial email address minted.

But millions of us had different ideas on May 19.

And poor Labor has done its darndest to find out why.

Released yesterday, the party’s election review shows Labor has learned absolutely nothing from being mercilessly slaughtered at its “unlosable election”.

A former Rudd/Gillard/Rudd minister, Craig Emerson and former South Australian premier Jay Weatherill were authors of the 94-page navel gazing exercise to work out what went wrong.”

In short, they landed on annoying coal miners in Queensland with their anti-coal climate policy.

Spot on, boys – good job – great powers of deduction.

And yet in the same breath Labor admits its “anti-coal rhetoric” damaged its chances in Queensland, the party clings to the very “climate emergency” that served as its doom.

“We are committed to climate change,” a straight-faced Craig Emerson told the media.

Talk about gluttons for punishment…

But coal is kryptonite to climate luvvies – and clearly Labor loves the luvvies more than voters who want jobs and a functioning economy.

“Labor’s climate change policy won the party votes among young and affluent older voters in urban areas,” the Emerson/Weatherill review said defensively.

Those really the votes you want, Labor?  Last we checked they aren’t the backbone of Australia – we are – and we crushed you to sweet smithereens.

Emerson dug himself in further, claiming Labor had nothing to do with the Bob Brown climate emergency convoy that helped galvanise the anti-Labor vote in Queensland… 

Guess it’s just coincidence that Labor agrees with everything he said?

And then there’s Labor’s jolly tax policy.

The review begrudgingly admits that going after pensioners’ Franking Credits may not have been the best idea after all.

But hey, says Labor, the well was poisoned by Clive Palmer’s gazillions and the Liberal scare campaign.

All care, no responsibility – how refreshing.

Honestly guys, us Aussies aren’t high maintenance – we just want jobs, affordable housing, reliable electricity and for you to stop shoving PC nonsense down our throats.

It’s not rocket science: keep our taxes low, our speech free and our government small, and we’re all yours.

But somehow, despite May’s carnage, there’s no evidence Labor has any more of a clue.